Friday, January 15, 2010

Don't Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth

So, in addition to my phone monkey job, I have a part time job to give me extra (ha. ha. HA!) money for the frivolous things I like to do, like eat. And have a warm house.
I work at a movie theater on the weekends and some weeknights. Most people would hate working extra, but honestly, I have fun most of the time. I love the kids I work with, and there is always something exciting (read: DRAMA!!!) going on. It also gives me plenty of opportunities to interact with the weirdos that go to the movies:
One night, I was working at the concession stand, taking orders and making drinks and popcorn for the guests. I had a line of 3 or 4 guests, and I noticed there was a guy at the end of my line just staring at me. Maybe the more appropriate word is gazing. He was totally GAZING at me and I was trying my best to NOT. FREAK. OUT. Because this guy was EW.
After 2 or 3 long minutes of him watching me help other people, I finally get to Creepy McStarey and he is the last guy in my line. At this point, I am all sweaty and flustered because this guy was giving me The Creeps. Its obvious that he's noticing my discomfort because he gives me a smile, and after I hand him his order and tell him to enjoy his movie, he thanks me and says,
"Don't take this the wrong way, but . . ."
Immediately I'm thinking that he's going to comment on my frownface. You see, my face is always in a natural frown, not because I'm sad, but because that's just how my face falls. I have to constantly be mindful of the corners of my lips, but with all the things running through my mind (like need groceries! must see TV shows! OMG COOKIES!!!), I am just too busy to always remember. I have had complete strangers stop me in WalMart, put a comforting hand on my shoulder (personal space!) and tell me everything is going to be okay. So I am thinking that this will be one of those situations, and that maybe he will complain about the sullen-looking frown face girl that gave him a coke and a grimace (its just my face I swear - please let me keep my job because the high school drama is to die for!) is ruining his movie going experience.
Oh no friends, this was not the case. Instead, he goes on to say:
"I like the teeth on you."
I'm sorry, what? I clearly had not heard that right. The icee machine next to me is super loud and melting my face (that thing gets HOT. To make iced drinks. hmmm). Maybe I have heat stroke.
"Your teeth. I like them."
Nope. He definitely said teeth. How does one respond to that? Out of the many features of my face, this guy picks my teeth? I always thought I had pretty run of the mill teeth. They're nothing to write home about! Why not comment on my beautiful complexion or my gorgeous eyes? Not my nose though, because this thing is a beak. My teeth? Really? I quickly run my tongue over them, and then instantly regret it. McCreepy is practically drooling. BARF. I quietly mumble a thank you and attempt to go about cleaning up after my last rush, but he wasn't finished "complimenting" me:
"You might have been made fun of as a kid, but I think they're beautiful. Have a good night!"
With that, he strolled off to see his movie, (whatever was the creepy, serial killer favorite at the time) but not before turning around one last time to give me a wink.
Now, let me be honest here - I was made fun of alot as a kid. As a child, I had a flair for the dramatic. I was weird. Really though, what kid isn't? I was made fun of for my glasses, my crimped hair (thanks, mom), not having the newest and coolest trapper keeper, and out growing my pants faster than I could replace them. NEVER FOR MY TEETH PEOPLE. NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT. NOT ONCE.
Back in the day, when someone was going to purchase a horse (and maybe they still do this, I'm not sure since I'm not in the market for a fine stallion) The purchaser would examine the horse before his purchase and one of the main horse parts to look at apparently, was the mouth. Good teeth meant the horse was worthy of ownership, poor teeth meant the horse was worthy of glue. What does this mean for me? Did McCreepy mean that I was worthy of purchase? Who gives this kind of compliment? For the rest of the night, I was terribly aware of my teeth and worried about how the kids in my 5th grade class back in elementary school felt about them. Were they that bad that even school children (who can be brutal and heartless about your not cool trapper keeper) knew my teeth were off limits? Should I look into veneers?
All this to say:
Thank you. Thanks alot McCreepy, for giving me a complex. With great looking teeth.

No comments: