About that "Having a Baby" part . . .

In my last post I mentioned that we wanted to have a baby. To be clear I have wanted to have a baby since before Mr. Joe and I were married. It has taken some time, but he is FINALLY on board with the whole thing, and I am more than excited to start trying. The problem is, I am not the most "regular" of girls. We've been trying for about a year a now, and have had a couple of close calls, but we have yet to be successful. I used to be an every 28 days type of gal, but since about a year ago, I had two LOOONG stretches of time where I was without AF. At first I would get all excited, but after taking approx 27 tests each time (and thus draining all of my savings lol) I would resign to the fact that I was not preggo. My dr is great, but I feel like she may think I'm a pain because I call each time this happens, and its happened about 3 times in the last year. Each time she brushes it off, saying that for some reason, I just didn't ovulate. Because sometimes that happens. WHAT? Call me crazy, but if someone is trying to get pregnant, don't they need to ovulate? Don't you think they should be ovulating on a regular basis? I hadn't been temping or "actively" (meaning writing down my symptoms everyday) charting though, so the last two cycles I decided I would start keeping track of what I did and when I did it. Still didn't temp, because I always forget to (I am not a morning person - at all). October and November were somewhat normal cycles. December saw nothing from AF, but we did the deed right around the time I would have ovulated if I were perfect (which we all know I'm not), so I thought maybe this time we were knocked up. I've been testing and testing and bugging my bf Ronnie about it and nothing has come up positive.


Sooooo . . . instead of calling my doctor and feeling like a psycho, I decided to spend the 20 bucks on an ovulation predictor first. Last night I got this:

The box says if the test line is the same or darker than the control line, you had an LH surge. The line was darker in the fron and lighter in the back than the control line, so I wasn't sure what to think. Then, this morning, I got this:

That line looked a definitively darker than the control line. So does that mean I ovulated or that I will ovulate sometime today? If so, then there is a distinct possibility that we will be pregnant, since spermies can live up to 3 days and we have been steadily getting it on (which is probably the real reason why he decided to hop on board the baby idea).

If we are then that's great. If we aren't I'll be disappointed and confused as to why I didn't ovulate in the month of December and what my cycles are. I've been worried that I will have trouble conceiving for a while now. I've been lurking around TTC/Infertility blogs, crying for the bloggers, and subconciously, crying for myself. I don't think I have the strength that those ladies do. They're incredible people. I, on the other hand, am a big baby.

EEEEEEEK.