Thursday, February 11, 2010

Add "SA" to the list of things I never want to again

Step one: Check!
Thankfully, I did not get into a car accident on the way to the clinic this morning - which is miraculous in itself because believe me folks, there was AMPLE opportunity. AMPLE.

Do you ever type something and then it looks really weird, but you don't change it because your brain is screaming at you that THAT IS THE WORD YOU WERE LOOKING FOR!!??

Anyway - AMPLE opportunity. It is very snowy in my neck o' the woods and the taxes I am paying must be going to something other than snow removal. I personally hope that "something" is bringing a Sonic to these parts, but that's just me.

It was definitely a hectic morning, what with collecting "the goods", and then discovering that the paper bag I had to transport "the goods" in had been eaten by my dog (thanks a lot Harry), and then having to figure out a way of keeping "the goods" warm using "body heat only" while not getting into a car accident. I was already feeling frazzled because you only have 60 minutes to get there before they deem "the goods" expired, so I grabbed the closest thing I could find transport it - I ended up wrapping the container in aluminum foil and shoving it in between my boobs to keep it warm.

Hey! You know what's really itchy?? Answer: carrying something wrapped in foil between your boobs.

I finally made it to the hospital with "the goods", all hot and itchy, hiding in my boobs. Of course, I couldn't find the place I was looking for, so the kind people at the info desk handed me a huge white card with DIRECTIONS TO THE INFERTILITY CLINIC written on both sides in big letters. You know, just in case anyone at the hospital was curious about why I was there. And why I looked so itchy.
Secretly, I was pretty impressed with my hide - the - goods - in - my - boobs idea. I'm pretty well endowed and I was happy that I could put that to good use. It would have looked even more weird if I had to hide it in my pants. I'm sure people would have been even MORE curious about why I was visiting the IF clinic in that case. I thought hiding it there was a great idea - until the andrologist asked me where "the goods" were and I realized where I would have to reach into my coat to produce it. Awkward! Luckily, she also thought it was a genius idea, and I didn't die of embarrassment.
I have never felt such relief. I'm really glad this part is over! Now we will just wait for the results to come back as normal (because I'm the problem here people) and then we will move on to step two: inviting AF over after her 80 day hiatus.
Stay tuned friends (hey 5 followers!) - I'm sure it gets even more rivoting from here!


Crystal Escobar said...

well now you have 6 followers :) haha, you are seriously so funny. I loved that you used what yo mamma gave ya :)

Katie said...

Laughed out loud... I was actually carring my cell phone down there there other day and my sister died laughing when it rang... hey~what else do you do when you dont have any pockets. Good Luck! Cant wait to follow this adventure!

aimerss said...

ohhhh lady, you are too funny!