Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Mrs. Joe's List of Irrational Surgery Fears:

1) I will die. Not because of the tiny incision in my stomach, mind you. I'm sure that I will for some reason, just drop dead at 27 years old right on the table.

2) I will wake up in the middle of the surgery and be completely paralyzed. I will hear and feel everything, yet not be able to tell anyone about it. To make matters worse, Dr. Foreign Accent will be commenting on how flabby I am.

3) They will accidentally amputate one of my arms or legs. I'm hoping if this is the case, that it's my left one. Or if they're going to amputate something, that they take my second toes, because they make my feet ugly:

4) They will discover the REAL reason I'm infertile: I have testicles and I'm actually a man. Mr. Joe will be SO PISSED.

Did I mention that I'm having this done at a teaching hospital??? EEEEEk!

I know I am not the only one to have this done, but I am so paranoid that I CANNOT STOP driving Mr. Joe crazy with worry. I thought if I wrote out my fears it would make me feel better, but I keep coming up with newer ones. I'm going to stop while I'm ahead :-)


aimerss said...

Did you know that during the Ptolemaic dynasty when Egypt was under Greek rulership, having your second two be bigger than your big toe was considered a sign of royalty? Did you know that The Statue of Liberty has toes that look remarkably the same proportion as your beautiful feet? (she was made to have 'princess toes') sooo I would think that even at a teaching hospital, a DOCTOR would know such important facts, (i'm a lowly un-teacher and know it) so I do not think they will accidentally do ANYTHING wrong to your body. I also happen to think if you wake up during surgery that would be a good thing because, you will be able to confirm that they are in fact making the incision in the correct locale on your body.....


Krista said...

You're going to do great and be fine!!!! Then the magic of conception will happen and you'll live happily ever after :)

Veronica said...

The surgery will probably take a total of 45min. They will give you enough anesthesia so you won't feel anything (or wake up). If they amputate your arm that would be a HUGE lawsuit and then with the money you could move back to civilization with everyone else. And, as I've said before if they all of a sudden find testicles, I think you, me, and Mr. Joe need to have a sit down and go over anatomy. Because if you and him haven't found them yet, you're doing something wrong in the bedroom. Perhaps that's why you're not getting pregnant..... because you're not doing it right. Do you need me to teach you? Lol! I will be there the whole time (well, they may not let me in the OR) holding your hand and making you laugh, cuz that's the type of shit a bestie does :-)!

Veronica said...

Oh, and yes, I'm not going to lie, your toe is weird.