Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Calling all infertiles . . .

So today was super exciting.

For those of you just joining us, when we last left off, our heroine (not the bad kind kids) was on her way to an appointment with an RE to determine why she was not knocked up. Unbeknownst to her, the evil Dr. H had sent her to a teaching hospital type place to have this done . . .

First of all, it took me 5 - 10 minutes to find the place, and it wasn't until I was lost that I realized that I had NO IDEA what the name of my doctor was. I was forced to ask people for directions to the fertility center, which was super awkward for me. Lesson learned friends: WRITE DOWN THE NAME OF YOUR DOCTOR or you will be forced to share your business with even MORE strangers.

When I finally found the place and made it back the exam room, I was just about ready to puke from all the nerves. I was sweatier than a whore in church. The nurse noticed this and tried her best to be nice and make me feel better, and by the end of our brief conversation, I did feel a little better. The throwups had left, and I was a little less sweaty. I was maybe even a little excited to see my ute and finally get this show on the road. As I sat with the sheet around my waist (they're so fancy there! No paper crap for me to rip while attempting to put it on!), waiting for my new nurse friend to return with the doctor, I almost laughed at myself for being so nervous. Oh, was I fooled friends!

That nurse was a tricky bitch. I had been lulled into a false sense of security. Not because I was waiting for a long time, mind you. She came right back with the doctor as promised. She also brought about 4 friends. FOUR. PLUS the doctor. All of them waiting for my lady parts to put on a show. EEEEEK!!! I did what I do when I get into any awkward situation:

I brought the jokes. AND I COULD. NOT. STOP.

"It's a full house tonight! It's like we're in a telephone booth! Can everyone see my uterus? Who's going next??" All the while in my head, I'm screaming at myself to STOP WITH THE JOKES. I sound like Kathy Griffin! ENOUGH ALREADY!

The jokes stopped when Dr. Foreign Accent started pointing to my lady parts on the screen. Apparently, they were putting on enough of a show that I didn't have to continue with my one -liners to captivate the audience. After alot of pointing and moving the wand around, Dr. Foreign Accent finally turned to me and said, "Has anyone ever mentioned to you that you have a heart shape for a uterus?"

Now, when the hell would my doctor had the time to do that? I'm sure there was no time for her to share this with me over the hundreds many times that I went to see her.

Bottom line is this: He thinks I have PCOS (which is what I have suspected for a little while now) and that I may have a heart shaped uterus. There is a more medical term for this, but I don't remember it and "heart shaped" just sounds so . . .pretty. He also thinks that Mr. Joe and I will not get knocked up on our own, and that we should start right with IUI. First, I have to have an HSG to confirm that I am indeed, deformed. I have the Quasimodo of uteruses (uteri?). I am going for this on Friday. So any infertiles out there that have had this done: should I be worried about the HSG? Is it painful? I have been doing lots of googling, but I would really like to hear from anyone who has actually done this.

I have decided I am not going to worry about the IUI stuff or any infertility crap until after this HSG business. I am really nervous and barfy over it because this is totally uncharted territory for me. There is one thing I am CERTAIN of though.

I do NOT have enough jokes to get me through an HSG.


MysteriousMindy said...

I had an HSG and it was practically painless. Other people have had it and it was terrible. My Dr. did give me a shot of novacaine in the cervix (sounds worse than it was...I didn't even know he did it until after he told me), and not all drs. do that. I would try not to worry or read about it too'll get horror stories. I was a mess that day because of others' experiences, but mine wasn't bad, in fact, it was a breeze. Here's the blog post I wrote after I had it:

Glad you went in and got some answers...hang in there!

Anonymous said...

Hi! I've been a lurker for a short while and wanted to comment on your page. I experienced infertility as well. My husband and I tried for almost two years before I got some help from a RE. We ended up having an IUI and it worked the first time. I now have a 9 month old boy!!
Anyways, I also had to have the HSG done. I didn't think it was bad at all. It didn't take very long and I couldn't feel much of anything (I didn't have any novacaine either...). I actually thought it was kind of cool to see what my tubes looked like! I wouldn't worry about it! Good luck!

Anne said...

I would have been pretty mad/annoyed about the whole "4 extra people deal." Good luck on Friday with the HSG.

Anonymous said...

I am just a few weeks ahead of you in this whole infertility workup process. I had my HSG a few weeks ago and start with an RE next Wednesday to figure out a plan. The HSG wasn't bad. It was a little painful, but oh so quick. Everything I read said that it could potentially hurt more if you have a blocked tube, and I can vouch for that. It just felt warm and crampy until they had me roll on my right side (my right tube is blocked) and then it momentarily took my breath away. One sharp cramp that lasted no more than 5 seconds and I was done. My doc said to take a couple Advil or something similar an hour before and that would help. I didn't do it because I was too nervous to eat and can't take it on an empty stomach! So it wasn't bad and was very quick. I spotted a couple days after, but then was back to normal. Good Luck!!

Mrs. S said...

I am going to have to have a HSG soon, so I will have to make sure and write down a joke or two to get me through. :)

Thanks for stopping by my blog, it's always nice to 'meet' new folks!