I'm back from Vacation . . .

But not posting yet. I promise byt he end of this week I will share some pictures and tell you all about my fabulous Africa Hot trip to Florida. In the meantime, I want to share what is keeping me amused today:


Those guys are so silly.

Some Random Thoughts on this NSYNC video

Even though I am slightly embarrassed to admit that my friends and I watched this video over and over again when we were 16, I still get nostalgic for these guys. They just seemed like the perfect men. Especially Lance. We should have known that he was gay, he was just TOO perfect.

Now that I am a little more mature, watching this video makes me realize how blinded by love I was. Today, I am pondering the following:

1) Did Justin just come back from orbiting the moon before this concert? And why was his ADIDAS spacesuit 3 sizes too big for him?? The rest of the crowd seems to be wearing shorts and tees. Is he not sweltering in the spacesuit?

2) I know this was like 1998, but were camouflage overalls still cool? Were they ever cool?

3) What is the point of all of those hangy things off of JC's vest? It looks like he parachuted in. Maybe out of Justin's spaceship?

Hopefully I have distracted you from the fact that you will not get a picture of me this week. Mr. Joe and I have been a little busy and he hasn't had the time for photo shoot. So You'll just have to wait until next week when I return home from the happiest place on earth EEEEEEEEEEE. Will you miss me?

Better Now

I googled "the hills are alive . . ." chose "images" and this is what I found. Naturally, I found Julie Andrews' picture as well. This one just spoke to me more I guess :-).

Thank you all for your encouragement after I posted my temper tantrum. Your support, as always, means a great deal to me. I am better now.

For the most part, my change of mood came from a visit I had with Mr. Joe's cousin's grandmother last night. She has a very unique gift and also drops f-bombs. All of the things you would expect from a sweet Irish grandmother. She has given me so much hope that it has completely turned my funky mood around. Today, I received FANTASTIC, amazing news that has just solidified the faith that I have after last night's visit. Great, great things are happening.

In addition to her grandmother, Mr. Joe's cousin also let me borrow a book that she just finished reading - A Few Good Eggs by Julie Vargo and Maureen Regan. I'm only page 6 of the book (these pesky callers keep interrupting me, making me do work) but so far it is seems to be speaking directly to me (because, of course EVERYTHING is about me. MEMEMEMEMEME.).

You should read it. Or you should continue to stay tuned, because I am sure that I will be sharing my reactions to this book as I read it. Assuming these annoying people stop calling about their piddly annuities and let me read two sentences for Pete's sake!

The cherry on this good mood sundae would be if a marvelous new job offer fell in my lap and I could yell, "Suck it, Trebeck!!" into my headset. I'm crossing my fingers!!

And also, I ovulated on Monday, according to fertility frenemy, and we definitely did it that night. So I'm crossing my toes too, which also look like fingers.

McFatty Tuesday

I will do my update with a picture tomorrow. Sorry I missed yesterday, I know you were all holding your breath for my weekly weigh in :-) Has anyone else seen/heard of this?:

Apparently, you eat these cookies instead of a sensible meal and you lose weight. DOES ANYONE ELSE FIND THIS RIDICULOUS? I think this is the main problem with our society's collective weight. I'm sure you can lose weight just eating these cookies (100 bucks for a 14 day supply, no I am not kidding!), but this is not how you make actual changes. Weight and picture tomorrow, because I don't want to spill my weight without showing a picture to back it up.

Wannabe

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, and since I am pretending that there is nothing wrong, I had no idea. Until I read this post, and this one, and was mentioned in this one as a wannabe mommy blogger. It's ironic, that all of this NIAW business would come out today, because today's temp made Fertility Frenemy an indian giver and took away my cross hairs. Bitch.

I was this close to thinking maybe it was all in my head and that I had miraculously ovulated on my own. Denial is not just a river in Egypt my friends.

I thought about joining in on the project that Mrs. S addressed in her post. I read through the questions that were posted and thought about how I would answer them. Then I became all weepy and whiny at my desk and decided against joining in this go around. I know that this week will come around again. Maybe the next time it does, I will be on the other side and will have the words to offer strength or comfort to someone still stuck on this side of "what if". For now, I just don't know what to say. I'm still trying to process exactly where we are on the "infertility scale". Will we need more than a few rounds of Clomid? Will we need marriage counseling as a result of the stress of TTC? Will I ever be satisfied with what we have? Will I be able to keep my composure as the crazy girl I work with complains about being knocked up by her loser baby daddy? I don't have the answers and I HATE it. In an effort to not annoy the pants off of the people that read about my life, I try not to piss and moan too much about it, but it's there - always right under the surface of every sarcastic comment I make :-)
The journey so far has not been fruitless. I've learned alot, and met many "wannabes" in the same spot we are. I've been more sensitive with my words, because I know how much a harmless comment can cut to the core. I've formed close bonds with people I would have not known as well otherwise.
Many of my teenage years were spent looking for a group to belong to - a place where I fit in. While I wish that we belonged to a group that dealt with happier things, part of me is grateful for the opportunity to bond with any group. It's like I'm finally super cool! And I have cool friends! (not counting you Ronnie, you were always cooler than me anyway)
This is kind of rambling and not going anywhere. I guess the bottom line is that IF sucks, mostly because of the uncertainty of it all, but the little community I've found here is pretty awesome. Please know that if you need someone to listen, I can always be reached at jenny72982@gmail.com, and I'm a pretty good listener - since I get paid to do it all day long :-)

Does this template make my blog look fat?

I got an email from blogger and they were like all "change up your blog" and I was all "I'm working and hate my job so of course I'll waste time on my blog today!" Does the white background look like bubbles to you? I want some kind of bubble in my design. I am the SOAPscum avenger, after all. I don't know if I'll keep it this way or not. I'll have plenty of time to change it tonight since I gave away my shift at the movies to my friend Nicole and Mr. Joe has already made plans. I know you're jealous of me, sitting alone in my house playing with my blog lay out on a Friday night.

I am super cool.

The same page - and the one with a bible quote

Mr. Joe and I had a long talk last night and we are finally on the same page. These talks tend to happen when we're on the drive home from his mother's house. The majority of his family lives about an hour away, and since Mr. Joe has no where to go we're together, we usually end up discussing important matters. Or arguing about whether he pronounces certain words correctly. One time, we fought the entire way about whether on not the phrase "play it by ear" was really "play it by year". His example for arguing the latter was:
Mrs. Joe: "Mr. Joe, can we go to Disney World for the millionth time this summer?"
Mr. Joe: " I don't know, let's play it by year."
I know that makes no sense, hence the argument. But I digress.

The discussion started when we heard a commercial for a urologist on the radio (I wish I could find it online and play it for you here, it was probably the dumbest advertisement I have ever heard in my entire life. It involved a crazy urologist giving vasectomies to a basketball player and a cheerleader during a basketball game, and the cheerleader ends up being a transvestite - hence the vasectomy - and it's "so quick and painless" that the basketball player didn't notice it. Really, really dumb). Mr. Joe was wondering how a guy finds his way into that area of medicine because he "couldn't imagine staring at wieners all day". Yes, he actually said 'wieners'. We are so mature. While we were both laughing about this weirdo urologist guy, I quietly slipped in that Dr. Foreign Accent wants him to see one. <>

He was pretty somber when he said, "ABSOLUTELY NOT".

It's not that he isn't supportive, or as anxious to have children, in fact as soon as the words left his lips, he was apologizing for sounding so caustic. He's just not as willing as I am to have people all up in his business. I completely understand that. We did an SA once, and that's as far as he is willing to go at this point in the game. We already confirmed that the only thing off on his SA was the motility, and even then it wasn't that low. The problem is definitely me at this point. From this, we have decided upon a TTC Action Plan:

Step one - I will have the hysteroscopy and hopefully live through it (I will have to post all of the various disaster scenarios that I have come up with in my head)
Step two - Find a way to regulate my cycles with medication so we can pinpoint when I ovulate
Step three - do the deed at those times

If after several cycles of this not succeeding, we will reevaluate where we are and if we are ready to try a more invasive route. It doesn't look like much, but it feels really good to have a set plan in place for the next couple of months. I think we both felt like TTC was getting away from us, like a crazy runaway train. I think we're more in control of the train now and I can already feel less tension between us.

Basically, what this boils down to for us is patience and faith. I have faith that we will have children. We all know the bible verses that promise us prosperity and purpose (specifically, Jeremiah 29:11 where those same words are basically used). I believe that. The patience part is not really as easy to come by. This is just going to be a really hard lesson in patience I think. I know at the end, all of this indecision and uncertainty is going to make it all worth it, but I really, really, really want to get to the "worth it" part already! How do you wait for something to happen when you don't know when (or how, but I'm not focusing on that) it's happening?

Way back in the beginning of my obsession with babies and blogging, I found a blog of a waiting adoptive mom (who has since had a successful open adoption with her son AND birthed a "surprise" baby boy). The majority of blogs I found had all of the "standard" waiting mother bible verses and other various quotes, but this woman had a verse I had never heard before:

Habakkuk 2:3
"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!"

My first thought was, "What the heck is a Habakkuk?" I still need to google that one. Now, I read this passage everyday. I repeat it to myself as I listen to the trolls who call in and complain to me at work. I know it by heart. It was no accident that I stumbled upon these words and the blogs that I read. All of this is comforting to me because I know that eventually, the patience I'm supposed to learn will come.

I just wish it would come right now.

I heart Jonah

And you should too. I cry and carry on when I have a little blister on my toe and Jonah has them ALL THE TIME. ALL OVER. And he always looks so happy (and adorable!).
He is my hero.
You should go here: Jonah's EB auction when the time comes and bid on things.
That is all.