I have no words for this . . . well, maybe two:

I've had an interesting weekend.

It started on Friday, with my last day at my crap call center job. A chapter closed. I wanted to celebrate by waiting in line at WalMart with my friends to buy Eclipse on DVD at midnight, but I have this awful cold which kept me on the couch instead.

Saturday, I woke up feeling worse. Mr. Joe made me scrambled eggs and cheese in bed, which were marvelous, and I decided that in my gross coughy state, we should not attend our friends' annual Christmas party that night. My celebratory weekend was not turning out the way I had planned at all. Mr. Joe decided around noon that he would take a nap. I wanted to drug myself with Nyquil, but we were fresh out, so out I went to Walgreens.

As I was searching the aisles for my drug of choice, I passed by THE AISLE. You know the one. It occurred to me then that I was late - if I was a normal person. I haven't really been paying attention on our break so I wasn't convinced this meant anything, but I can't resist peeing on things, so on a whim, I bought a FRER. Then I peed on it. Well, first I went home, THEN I peed on it. Then I almost threw up.

At first glance, it looked like a faint positive. Then I realized that the dark line was the test line. It sucked all the ink out of the control line.

Holy shit.

Part of me was fighting this, because it would appear to the outside world that once I just relaxed I ended up pregnant. If you know anything about me, know this: I HATE TO BE TOLD I TOLD YOU SO. Which is precisely what my turd husband said. I would have punched him in the face, but I'm with child, and I thought that would be a bad idea.

Another part of me is extremely cautious. I must only be 10 minutes preggo at this point. We have only told 3 people, and you guys of course. If anything were to go wrong, those are the people I would cry about it to, so it only made sense to say something now.

Still ANOTHER part of me is sad for those of you who haven't made it here yet. I know how it feels to read another BFP post and have the inner war with my emotions. I am still praying every night for you. So far, God has been answering my prayers. It's taken me a little while to trust Him, but He seems to know what He is doing. I understand if you stop reading. I promise not to take it personally. I won't stop reading and praying for you though.

I feel like I am dreaming. I can't believe that tomorrow, I will be training for a job where I won't be talking to angry people who hate me all day long. I can't believe that I will be learning about how to manage some one's case and be growing a human being at the same time. I can't believe that I might be getting everything I've ever wanted.

Holy shit.