Do any of you read Life and Love in the Petri Dish? I'm sorta a lurker on her blog. Recently, they found out they were pregnant for the 6th time. These people have had to go through hell and back. Mo is a cancer survivor, and together she and Will have suffered through 6 miscarriages, the most recent occurring only yesterday. SIX - I can't even imagine. My heart breaks for them.
I know that I'm not very vocal about my faith on here, and to be honest, I'm not very vocal in the real world either. I believe in God and I pray regularly for my friends and family and you (yes you!). When tragedy like this occurs though, I don't know how to explain it. I know there were many who were praying for Mo and Will - all six times - and yet . . .
I realize God is not a magic genie (like Finn thought grilled cheesus was on Glee) and that the "answer" to prayer may be no, but then what is the point of praying? What would it take for Mo and Will or you or me or anyone to have the situation work out in their favor? More people praying? More good deeds? Is a "no" punishment for something they or you or I've done?
There are times when I look at the life that I have, and despite everything - the loss of my brother, my lack of children, our financial struggles - I have faith that I am loved and that He is providing what I need. But there are also times when I start another cycle or when I see another pregnancy announcement and that faith falters. Or I wonder what I have done to warrant this set of circumstances. I did it when my brother was ill and when he passed away. Why did he have to die while countless others beat cancer? Why do Mr. Joe's asshole cousins get to crank out kids that they can't afford and don't take care of when we've been trying for what feels like an eternity? What can I do to atone for the sins I'm being punished for?
I wish there was some way of finding concrete answers to my questions, but I suppose that's what makes faith what it is - confidence in the unseen and unknown. Belief that a promise made will be kept. Easier said than done.
5 comments:
Thanks for your kind words on my blog. I struggle with these same questions...every time I see a family who appears to 1) not love their kids or 2) seem to have way more kids than they can afford/handle, I question God's grand plan. It's too bad we don't all have our own Grilled Cheesus.
I'm sorry. It astounds me sometimes how much I relate to your posts. Then it makes me sad because I know how these particular moments make me feel and I hate that there is another person out there suffering in the same way.
I think the answer is going to be different for each of us. And sometimes, there just isn't a good answer.
There are some days I feel like taking a break is giving up or being selfish by wanting to just live my life. There are other days where I feel that this is just part of a greater plan... maybe the answer is balance?
Who knows...
Hugs to you my dear. I wish I could make your pain go away.
I constantly question things like this when I have good friends who have been trying for over a year just for one baby when THREE couples I know who were contemplating divorce "accidentally" got pregnant and separated months after the births of these newborns. It just doesn't make any sense.
And though sometimes I question faith, it is people like you who I pray for. Someone I've never met but think about all the time and ask God, if He's up there, to please make it happen for someone who obviously wants it so bad.
I don't know what to say to really make anything better, just that I'm always wishing to come here and see a picture of a big fat POSITIVE.
Great, now you got me all crying and sentimental for the interwebby friendship we have. Way to go, Jenny.
10 m/c's in my past here, I definitely get the questions... its taken awhile but I finally found that faith again, though I still struggle with it. Its hard when life hits you in the face time and time again, I wish I were better with this...
Thanks for your kind words on my blog... praying for you as well
I think we all contemplate these things.
I think the same thing, a lot, working at a school. I see daily the results of children who come from families that don't want them, don't love them...why were those people allowed to have children, and these people that I know that would be great parents aren't?
I think it is all about shaping us and learning a lesson. It is not a punishment, it is a journey that each of us has to take. If only we could know now what that plan was at the end, and it would all make sense.
I will pray for YOU, as well.
And I still can't believe he at the grilled cheesus.
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