Do any of you read Life and Love in the Petri Dish? I'm sorta a lurker on her blog. Recently, they found out they were pregnant for the 6th time. These people have had to go through hell and back. Mo is a cancer survivor, and together she and Will have suffered through 6 miscarriages, the most recent occurring only yesterday. SIX - I can't even imagine. My heart breaks for them.
I know that I'm not very vocal about my faith on here, and to be honest, I'm not very vocal in the real world either. I believe in God and I pray regularly for my friends and family and you (yes you!). When tragedy like this occurs though, I don't know how to explain it. I know there were many who were praying for Mo and Will - all six times - and yet . . .
I realize God is not a magic genie (like Finn thought grilled cheesus was on Glee) and that the "answer" to prayer may be no, but then what is the point of praying? What would it take for Mo and Will or you or me or anyone to have the situation work out in their favor? More people praying? More good deeds? Is a "no" punishment for something they or you or I've done?
There are times when I look at the life that I have, and despite everything - the loss of my brother, my lack of children, our financial struggles - I have faith that I am loved and that He is providing what I need. But there are also times when I start another cycle or when I see another pregnancy announcement and that faith falters. Or I wonder what I have done to warrant this set of circumstances. I did it when my brother was ill and when he passed away. Why did he have to die while countless others beat cancer? Why do Mr. Joe's asshole cousins get to crank out kids that they can't afford and don't take care of when we've been trying for what feels like an eternity? What can I do to atone for the sins I'm being punished for?
I wish there was some way of finding concrete answers to my questions, but I suppose that's what makes faith what it is - confidence in the unseen and unknown. Belief that a promise made will be kept. Easier said than done.