"The Phone Tree" or "How Ignorant I Once Was"

Once upon a time, Mrs. Joe was an ignorant moron. She formed a club with the girlfriends of her husband's friends and called it The Wives Club. The Wives Club had big plans. They would all be married. They would all live in the southern part of the state. They would all have children around the same age. Life was to be glorious for The Wives Club. There was nothing but rainbows and unicorns on the horizon of their lives.

One day, Mr. and Mrs. Joe came to the sad realization that they could not live in the southern part of the state with the rest of their friends. Their jobs required that they live in the lamest place on Earth. Begrudgingly, they moved into a shack there and continued on their way. So what if they were far away? They could still keep up with the other plans! What could The Wives Club do to make sure that their children were born around the same time?

Thus, the Baby Phone Tree was born! The idea was simple: Mrs. Joe was the first to be married, so she would be the first to get pregnant. She would call Mrs. B, who would then get knocked up herself. Mrs. B would then call Mrs. M; Mrs. M would get pregnant as well and then TaDAAAAA! Everyone is pregnant! A genius plan - because Mrs. Joe was a genius.

With plan in place, Mr. and Mrs. Joe got busy. They tried and tried and tried, but to no avail. "It's ok" Mrs. B said, "Mr. B and I will take our time, too." Comforted, Mrs. Joe continued to try and trick the universe into giving her a baby. Each time, she would fall short. "Go away!" The universe would bellow, "I can't be bothered with your petty requests!"

One night, while Mr. and Mrs. Joe lay quietly in bed, Mr. Joe reached for his wife's hand.

"Have you talked about things with Mrs. B?" he asked.

"What do you mean by 'things'?"

Mr. Joe turned to her, and she knew what "things" meant before Mr. Joe had to explain.

The Phone Tree had been activated without her.