Not dead. Just super busy!

3 months

This is more of a test from my phone. I just downloaded blogger for Android and I'm not sure how I feel about it. It does make it easier to post while I'm at work. Maybe I'll start posting more! How lucky would you be?!

2 months . . . and I'm bad at blogging again.

Hello, friends. BabyJoe turned 2 months on September 30th. I cannot believe where the time has gone. It feels like this man has been in my life forever, but I am also scratching my head, wondering how two months have flown by in such a short amount of time. Babies do weird things to time.

They do even stranger things to your heart. I wish I could put into words the love I have for this boy. He stops my heart and makes it sing all at once. This month has brought smiles, and I just about die at every one. I would do anything for that smile, which often leaves me looking like an asshole to the naked eye as I dance and sing and make faces at my baby in public places. True story.
Just as I started to feel like I had the reigns on this motherhood thing, I had to go back to work. Part of me was excited to see my friends and talk to adults, but the larger part of me was so sad to say good bye that morning. I do feel a little less over worked at work (you SAHM bust your rears more than I ever will at work!) and I am super confident in the care he is getting while I'm gone, so overall, for now, I'm happy with our situation. I would love to stay at home, but its definitely not in the cards for us at this stage in the game. Luckily, we don't need to put Orion in daycare. I work from home on Mondays so I hang out with my son all day. Tuesdays and Wednesdays, Mr. Joe's grandmother comes to watch him. On Thursdays, my bff comes up and on Fridays, Mr. Joe's sister takes a turn. He loves all the ladies in his life :-)

There is so much I want to write about. Did I say that last month? I wish that I had tons of time to blog about breastfeeding, the struggle I had to let go of it, the crazy first days home where I thought I was losing my mind, Mr. Joe's ideas about number two, and a whole ton of pictures of BabyJoe in silly hats. I will try my best. I know you're all at the edge of your seats. Stay tuned!

Because now I Picnik the shit out of pictures of my baby:

Orion was one month on 8/30! He hasn't really done anything exciting in his first month of life, besides sleep a little less. The faces he makes in the morning when he's stretching are so cute. I just want to eat him up. I have several nicknames for him: Big Baby (the baby character from Toy Story 3), Turd (because it felt like I pooped him out after I had him - which? Why didn't anyone talk about the destruction that is your vagina after childbirth? Maybe they did and I didn't listen.), Baby O, and of course, BabyJoe. Now that the baby blues are completely gone, our days are everything I've ever wanted.

So cheesy - I know! I intend to blow this up ginormous sized and hang it all obnoxious style in our living room. Mr. Joe is thrilled I'm sure.

I am so, so blessed. Please know that if you are still waiting, I pray for you daily, even more now than before. God is so good!

Orion's birth story

Friday, July 29th - My 29th birthday - and I sorta forgot about it. For the first time ever, I was more preoccupied with something else on my birthday. I had an appointment that morning and when I went in my blood pressure was little high. I begged my doctor to strip my membranes because I wanted this baby OUT. The doctor was concerned with my pressure and had the tech come in and take it two more times. After they came back higher each time, she decided to send me next door to the lab to have blood work drawn and do a 24 hour urine culture. Do you know what that entails? YOU PEE IN A HAT FOR A WHOLE DAY. The best part was when she told me that we could keep the urine in our fridge since the lab wouldn't be open until Monday. Luckily, it never came down to that because Mr. Joe would NOT have put up with a jug of pee next to our milk. I'm pretty sure he would never use the fridge again after storing urine in it (he is so so bad with diapers. I almost pee from laughing at him each time).

We also scheduled an induction at that time for August 4th. I was not pleased as this date seemed to be eons away at the time. It was also the date that Ronnie's husband had chosen as BabyJoe's birthday and I had promised him that if he came on that date (two days after his due date) that I would punch him in the junk. I told my doctor this, but it didn't seem to phase her. Instead, she shooed me off to the lab next door to get my blood work and special pee hat.

I arrived at the lab slightly annoyed because I hate it there. I feel like I am going to catch the clap when I am there because it is nasty in that waiting room. I wasn't there long though, because on my short walk over, my doctor had called and told me that it really wasn't worth being tested and peeing in a hat for a weekend, I should just head over to the hospital. They might send me home, but they might not. . .

Obviously, I couldn't get outta there fast enough! I called Mr. Joe at work and told him we were heading to the hospital, all the while holding back vomit because HOLY COW MAYBE WE WOULD HAVE A BABY TODAY! I made Mr. Joe take me to McDonalds because I hadn't had anything to eat at that point and what better food for someone with high blood pressure than fries and diet coke?

Once we were all settled in at the hospital, we felt dumb because the nurses were scoffing at what my doctor thought was high blood pressure. After being monitored for an hour with my pressure being only slightly elevated, we were expecting to be sent home. I silently prayed that when the nurses called my doctor that she would just ask them to induce me because I was ready to have this baby. Much to their surprise (but not mine) my doctor asked to have me induced!

This sent all of our family into an excited frenzy of "babywatch 2011" Sadly, they did not realize that being induced takes a loooooong time. We started with cervadil at 3:30 pm. That had to stay in for 12 hours. Time CRAWLED from that point on. My mother in law brought up a cake for me, but I wasn't allowed to eat it because hospitals are torturous to laboring ladies on their birthdays and refuse to feed them anything other than Popsicles. Around 10pm, we attempted to get some sleep, but with being hooked up to so many monitors and being bothered by nurses all night long, I didn't sleep at all. Around 3:30 am we started pitocin and I snuck away to poop. I was hellbent on not pooping when I pushed, because I knew Mr. Joe would not be able to unsee it if I did. As it was, I was worried about him being able to unsee a baby come out of me.

Everything was fine and dandy until 9am when my doctor decided to break my water. Holy googaly moogaly. They wouldn't let me get up an walk around and the contractions were coming a minute apart and lasting for a minute each time. I made it about 2 minutes before asking for the epidural. I cried the whole time because I felt like such a failure! Once the epidural was in and working though, I was over it. I felt amazing and I was able to enjoy my company.

Things moved pretty quickly from there. I had dilated from 3cm to 9cm in that short time that I was waiting for the epidural. My doctor told me to let her know when I felt like I needed to push, which everyone kept telling me would feel like I had to poop. Let me tell you now, I never felt like I had to poop. I felt pressure, but because it didn't feel like I had to go, I didn't think it was time to push.

After waiting around for me for awhile, by doctor came in and told me she wanted to shut my epidural off because I obviously was too numb to feel the pressure of needing to poop. Um, no thank you. I told her she was crazy and she wasn't going to turn it off unless she wanted to lose an eye. Or I said something like that. I eventually let them turn it down, but at that point I was so worried about the contractions coming back that I lied and told them I felt like I was going to poop. As a result, it was time to push! At first, I was just making it up when I thought I had to push, but after a few times, I really had to push each time. They kept telling me to rest during the next one if I had to, but I couldn't. Once I started there was no keeping the kid from coming out.

Here is something I didn't know: pushing a baby out? It's hard work. After each push, I kept declaring that he was stuck and was not coming out. I had my sister and best friend on one side and Mr. Joe on the other side of me cheering me on and telling me that he wasn't stuck. Later, my sister told me that she thought I was being a baby because as the baby was crowning, his head didn't look all that big. Until his actual ginormous head came out, then she was impressed with me. Another fact I didn't know? Epidurals don't really numb you enough for the actual pain of pushing an 8 pound human out of your hooha. I felt everything. Probably not as intense as it would have been without the drugs, but I definitely felt plenty.

Anyway, I pushed for about 45 minutes and then BAM! The head was out and they were trying to yank his broad shoulders out. This is where I swear I heard a crack. Either I cracked or the baby cracked, but he did not come out easily. Everyone says that I was hearing things, but even now, when I hold Orion, sometimes his shoulder feels . . . weird. 3:59 pm on July 30th, my baby boy was born.

I can't describe how I felt the moment he was here. I couldn't see him, but I could hear him cry. It was unbelievable that MY BABY was crying. My sister and Ronnie were crying and hugging, but Mr. Joe and I were not. I think we had so much emotion that we didn't know what to do. They brought Orion over to me and we just stared at each other for the longest time. He was so quiet! His huge eyes were locked on mine. I kissed him and whispered, "I waited a long time for you Orion." and silently thanked Jesus for this baby. He was amazing. I handed him to Mr. Joe and watched the two of them as the doctors sewed me up. Watching my husband hold our baby - that was when I cried.

The recovery has not been easy. Breastfeeding did not go well. I have so much more to write about, but my days have been spent spending my precious time off with my son. I promise to share more later. I've been reading blogs and trying to comment, but I'm still learning how to divide my time. See you all soon!!

I made it to the other side.

Orion Michael Joseph 7/30/2011 3:59pm 8lbs 6oz 20 inches

I never imagined my life could be this way - amazing and terrifying all at once. I'll post more later, but I wanted to share BabyJoe with all of you. I can't thank you people enough for the support and love that you've offered me over this journey so far. It's been more than any stranger would be expected to give. Story and more pictures to come in the next few days ( maybe weeks, we know how I roll with updates)

39 weeks 2 days . . . and a post that proves it

Sorry for the crappy picture. . . but at least you get a picture this time! This is me today on my last day of work! I've been working from home for the last two weeks, which allowed me to stretch out my time at work so I didn't have to take leave two weeks before. Working from home was a lot better than working at work, but it still sucks to work when you're close to popping.

I look like I have a tiny head and huge body lol. I am pretty disproportionate at this point.

As proof, here are my huge feet:

I know they don't look huge, but they are swollen and sausage-y looking. Normally, my feet look like skinny ugly things, but now they look like normal sized feet. With tubby toes.

I cannot even tell you how badly I want this child out of me right now. If I could reach up there and pull him out myself, I would. In fact, I might have tried once or twice, but it's touch to get my arm around the huge belly I am sporting. The stretchmarks are slowly creeping upwards as each day passes. Its a race to the finish between the stretchies and BabyJoe. Whoever makes it to the light of day first, wins! The stretchmarks are pretty close to making it beyond my waistline. I'm reallllly hoping BabyJoe wins. GET THIS KID OUTTA ME!!!!

It's been hot like Africa here in CT lately, so that doesn't help matters either. What does help matters is my fabulous Mr. Joe. Look what this man bought for me as my birthday slash push present:

I'm sorry that it's teeny tiny, but I suck at posting pictures on blogger. Isn't it the BEST THING EVER???? I've been drooling over the Disney Sketch Dooney and Bourke large tote bag for ever - but the steep price made it a distant dream. Mr. Joe is THE BEST HUSBAND ever. You can't tell from the picture, but this bag is the perfect size to work as a hospital bag, or a diaper bag, or a work bag. I am going to use it for EVERYTHING. I am in love. Currently, it stands ready with all the crap I want to take to the hospital. Which I will hopefully be leaving for any time now. Mr. Joe is making ginger root tea as we speak in an effort to get BabyJoe out before tomorrow, which happens to be my 29th birthday. Fingers crossed this works. I know this post is kind of all over the place. So is my brain.