39 weeks 2 days . . . and a post that proves it

Sorry for the crappy picture. . . but at least you get a picture this time! This is me today on my last day of work! I've been working from home for the last two weeks, which allowed me to stretch out my time at work so I didn't have to take leave two weeks before. Working from home was a lot better than working at work, but it still sucks to work when you're close to popping.

I look like I have a tiny head and huge body lol. I am pretty disproportionate at this point.

As proof, here are my huge feet:

I know they don't look huge, but they are swollen and sausage-y looking. Normally, my feet look like skinny ugly things, but now they look like normal sized feet. With tubby toes.

I cannot even tell you how badly I want this child out of me right now. If I could reach up there and pull him out myself, I would. In fact, I might have tried once or twice, but it's touch to get my arm around the huge belly I am sporting. The stretchmarks are slowly creeping upwards as each day passes. Its a race to the finish between the stretchies and BabyJoe. Whoever makes it to the light of day first, wins! The stretchmarks are pretty close to making it beyond my waistline. I'm reallllly hoping BabyJoe wins. GET THIS KID OUTTA ME!!!!

It's been hot like Africa here in CT lately, so that doesn't help matters either. What does help matters is my fabulous Mr. Joe. Look what this man bought for me as my birthday slash push present:

I'm sorry that it's teeny tiny, but I suck at posting pictures on blogger. Isn't it the BEST THING EVER???? I've been drooling over the Disney Sketch Dooney and Bourke large tote bag for ever - but the steep price made it a distant dream. Mr. Joe is THE BEST HUSBAND ever. You can't tell from the picture, but this bag is the perfect size to work as a hospital bag, or a diaper bag, or a work bag. I am going to use it for EVERYTHING. I am in love. Currently, it stands ready with all the crap I want to take to the hospital. Which I will hopefully be leaving for any time now. Mr. Joe is making ginger root tea as we speak in an effort to get BabyJoe out before tomorrow, which happens to be my 29th birthday. Fingers crossed this works. I know this post is kind of all over the place. So is my brain.

Still preggo

Sorry I've been so quiet as of late. Work is crazy because the company whose disability claims I handle are planning to go on strike, so the would be strikers are grasping at straws to get on disability so they would be paid should they strike. Which means I am denying claims for things like bee stings and fevers, in addition to the people who are ACTUALLY disabled.

The good news is I have been working from home, which means I don't have to wear pants at work! It does mean that I have to answer the door when evangelists or lawn care experts come knocking, so I do have to wear some kind of clothing - but not pants so yay!

Today is a day off for me. I had an appointment yesterday with Dr. Kellie Martin (what was I calling my dr on here? I don't remember anymore) and she determined that BabyJoe is . . . wait for it . . .

8 FUCKING POUNDS.

Please pardon my French, but great googaly moogaly that seems like a giant baby. I know those estimates can be off, but the thought of an 8 pound baby coming out of my hooha has me rethinking my natural childbirth plan. I'm now thinking Ronnie's idea of knocking me out with a kick to the face is sounding pretty good.

Also, I'm ONE CENTIMETER dilated!! I realize that one measly cm is nothing, but I'm trying to get worked up over here so I go into labor before I give birth to a baby that rivals that one in TX. You know the 16 pounder? There's no coming back from 16 pounds.

So I called out today and I'm planning on walking all over creation and possibly getting a pedicure because my feet have seriously been neglected since about 3 months ago. I have already taken care of my lady parts via a wax last week. Word to the wise? Being pregnant makes you sweat a lot more, and if you're anything like me and you sweat in response to pain, you will end up looking like you are suffering from malaria by the end of your appointment. Which is to say, don't make plans to go out directly afterwards. Your crotch might look fabulous, but you will look silly.

Wanna see what I look like at 38 weeks?

Haha tricked you! Although this is an accurate depiction. Please note my lack of pants in this picture and my nasty feet. That's pretty much what I look like now, except I'm not wearing a turtleneck. I was too lazy to fix my drawing. I worked pretty hard on it for you and now I am going to take a nap. Right after I do Mr. Joe's laundry, because before he left for work this morning, he so kindly dragged out his hamper for me because he knows just how badly I have been aching to wash his clothes. I am such a lucky lucky lady.

Pray that I go into labor soon. My lady parts thank you!

Dear BabyJoe

Sometimes, I wonder what the hell I am doing here.

The truth is, I was blinded in the beginning by the deep and physical ache that was my empty uterus. You were just a dream- an all-consuming thought. You still are.

The difference is that now you are physically coming. I can no longer deny that I will not carry you forever. You are quickly running out of room and we are both clearly ready to meet on the outside. I'm not sure I'm ready to share you. You have been my very own for 9 months now, really two years - my deepest desire, my (not so) little secret. I know you like no one else on Earth. Who would want to share that?

I worry that I am not up to the challenge of being a mother. I'm pretty sarcastic. I hate baby talk. I am terrified that I will turn you into a cynical asshole and I don't want to do that. I want to be the best mother that ever lived, but I'm completely clueless on how to be that person. I want to give you the world - the only fair trade after what you have given me.

I have physically carried you over these last few months, but you have carried me for the last two years. You have caused me to fall deeper in love with your father. You've given me the husband that I've always known him to be. You are my own personal miracle, and I will never be able to show enough gratitude. But I promise that I will try.

You are coming. As terrifying as this is, I am comforted by the thought of you here. Each week I hear your heartbeat and imagine that it is the sound of your tiny feet hitting the pavement, hurtling towards me, unafraid. So when you get here, I will pretend that I am ready, too. That I know exactly what I am doing and its under control. I am not the first person to have a baby. I am just the first person to be your mother. I know I can't keep you forever - but I promise to hold on to you for the rest of my life.

See you soon,

Mom

34 weeks

Confession: This is my 32 week picture. Imagine me slightly larger and more lazy than the girl in this picture and you have an accurate idea of what I look like today.

I can't believe I'm 34 weeks. BabyJoe will be here in about a month!! I can't wait to have an outside baby - I'm pretty sure it will be way better than having a 34 week belly. Speaking of belly, mine is now covered in stretch marks. It literally happened over the course of a day. I woke up and saw 3 teeny tiny ones next to my belly button, and then by the end of the day it was a full blown party of stretch marks from the bottom of my belly button down! Apparently, all of my marathon eating before getting knocked up didn't prepare my gut for BabyJoe's expansion.

This weekend is the last of my baby showers. The first one I had was on June 4th. We have so many different outfits. So many in fact, that I really hope people buy off of the registry this time around or I will have to return a lot of clothes so I can get things that this kid will really need, like bedding and breastfeeding stuff. I understand that its fun to buy baby clothes, and I am guilty of buying them just because they are cute and little, but some of the stuff that people have bought for this boy are (at the risk of sounding ungrateful) totally lame. It may be the hormones, but I have come to HATE anything that says "Mommy loves me" or "Daddy loves me" and that seems to be the majority of what the clothes I have say. I don not feel the need to advertise that we love our baby. OF COURSE WE LOVE OUR BABY!! See? I'm full blown crazy now.

I'm sorry I don't have more exciting things to write about, aside from my hatred of lame baby clothes. Work is keeping me busy throughout the day and then the rest of my time is filled in with getting ready for BabyJoe. I've been reading all of your blogs - and I'm cheering you on, even if I don't comment. Hopefully I will be much more exciting after the baby gets here. No promises though so don't hold your breath :-)

30 weeks down!

I think this picture makes me look smaller than I really am. I feel like I cannot possibly get any bigger, yet I have two more months to go! How do people do this with more than one in there?? See my face? I'm trying really hard not to look like a tool. Fail.

I'm 30 weeks and 3 days today. I'm really planning on carrying for another 8 weeks, and then jumping up and down until BabyJoe comes out. I don't want to go the full 40 weeks because having a baby in August sounds like it would be a very hot and sweaty experience. As it is, having a baby in July will be hot and sweaty. August is always Africa hot here in CT, and I just don't want to be preggo after July 31st. That sounds reasonable right? :-)

It seems like all of a sudden my appetite has grown tenfold. I feel like I could eat every minute of everyday and still be hungry. My thoughts are consumed with food all day long. That's when my brain is capable of having thoughts. Mostly, I'm braindead all day. I try to concentrate at work, but it's hard to when you have a giant stomach that move independently. I poke and prod BabyJoe all day long and in return, he kicks my ass! I don't think it will ever get old. I worried in the beginning when I was so sick that I would be one of those people that hated being pregnant and then people would be mad that I hated it after wanting this for so long, but I can honestly say that I have loved most of every minute. I still wouldn't mind him coming any time after 38 weeks, though!

We finally moved the carp out of his room and started work on the nursery. By "we", I mean Mr. Joe. Although, I did put the crib together with him - and we did it without any yelling or injury! Of course, there may have been a few Captain and Cokes involved in keeping the peace. Just saying. The room is painted a light green. I need to find an area rug to go in there and then it will be ready to be crammed full of baby paraphernalia. I can't believe my first of two showers is next week. This is going by so fast!

Mr. Joe and I celebrated 3 years of marriage on Wednesday. Since we are very fancy people, we had an anniversary dinner at the Red Lobster, at around 4:30 with the senior citizens. I'm pretty sure we were the youngest couple in there. Afterwards we went shopping at Dick's for a putter. Pretty exciting 3rd anniversary, huh? We live on the edge. This kid is going to have one craaaaaazy life!

28 ish weeks

Good morning internets!
What has me up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday you ask?
The three hour glucose test, of course!

That's right - I failed the one hour glucose test, which earned me the pleasure of doing it again for THREE hours. Here's the thing: I LOVE me some sweets, but I HATE drinking things that are sugary. I only drink water and diet coke and extremely watered down apple juice. We're talking 90% water, 10% juice. So having to drink that nasty glucola crap was like pure torture. Having to do it twice must be karma for something terrible that I've done in the past but can't seem to recall now. Whatever I did karma, I'm sorry. Very, very sorry. Please don't let me have gestational beetus.

I'm currently at the hospital in an empty cafe typing on their thousand year - old computer to kill time. So far, I've killed 20 minutes of the 3 hours. And it was a long and painful battle to kill them. I forgot a book because I'm at the stage where I'm braindead. So, here I am.

What else can I tell you about? My friend Kelli in Texas had her some babies over Easter weekend. I'm sure they're adorable, but I've yet to see pictures as proof. I'm waaaaaaaiting! :-)

Oh! And I full - on peed my pants yesterday when I sneezed. To be honest, it's only been about a year and a half since I last peed my pants, but that was on my sister's birthday and was as a result of being slightly intoxicated and way too giddy. This time, I was stone cold sober and I didn't even have to go! I was getting ready to do some laundry in my dusty laundry room when out of no where I had this crazy powerful sneeze that almost knocked me on my ass. Then BLAM - wet pants. Marvelous.

So clearly I fail at processing sugars and holding my bladder. I'm going to be an awesome mom, I bet.
I also fail at taking a 28 week picture and blogging.

Tomorrow Mr. Joe and I are headed to the park with his family for family portraits! Can I tell you happy I am that Mr. Joe's mother decided to do family pictures while I was 7 months pregnant? I hope you can sense my sarcasm. While I love being pregnant, wet pants and all, I'm not very pleased with how I look right now. It's not that I think I look huge and hideous, but I've looked better, and I don't see the harm in waiting a few more months and taking the pictures when I look like a normal human being again. AND I have an outside baby to be in the pictures too! Apparently that is a terrible idea. Oh well.

Almost time for me to get my blood drawn. Then only two more hours to go! Wish me luck and think low sugar level thoughts for me. The idea of not getting to eat cake until after BabyJoe is here makes me weepy.

Officially the worst blogger ever.

Here I am! I doubt anyone is looking for me at this point. . . I've been following along with everyone else's blogs, but when it comes to taking the time to write on my own I end up doing other things. Like adding items to my amazon wishlist and taking naps. I thought that once you hit 2nd and 3rd trimesters, you get your energy back? I could nap all day long if this pesky job didn't need my attention!!

Here I am at 26 weeks (yesterday). Depending on who you ask, third trimester. I still have trouble believing that there will be a baby at the end of all of this. It doesn't seem real. Obviously, I have a growing stomach and appetite, and I can feel him moving all the time, but my brain is having a hard time conceiving of the idea that eventually, there will be a little person here. Or that I will push that little person out of me. With little to no drugs.

Then other times, my mind is consumed with thoughts of the son that I am going to have in a short 12 weeks (because BabyJoe and I have decided that 38 weeks is a great time to come). I didn't know it was possible to love someone you've never met so damn much. I feel like every day I learn his personality a little more. I am going to have my work cut out for me when he gets here! He is on the move constantly - especially when Mr. Joe is talking to him. Or I'm complaining about claims at work :-) He responds the most to when I'm listening to music in the car. I hope he loves music as much as I do - so far it seems like it!

We received our very first "shower" gift off of our registry last night! It's an exersauser and it's adorable. It's also in a very large box in our living room until we can make the time to work on the baby's room hahaha.

Not much else has been going on in our little corner of the world. Most of my time is spent at work or at home thinking about the cleaning I should be doing but watching tv instead. Hopefully I will go into nesting mode soon or BabyJoe will have to wait a while till he has a room! I'll try to update more often, but my life is really not that exciting right now!!